Chapter 15

  Plot Twist

I moved back into the old house in Effort, PA once again. I took over an apartment on the 3rd floor that I had almost finished and started the work inside the house every free moment I had. I found another tattoo shop not far down the road to work at to help fund the projects. T and I would bounce between his place and mine at night and started to become an official thing. Angel had become a mother in the time I had been gone and now was trailing around her son with us from time to time. I settled into a grove with the family and work. I did as much work as I could on the property by myself but found customers that would trade for work when I needed drywall or electrical. I approached Jane about  taking over operations of the house eventually. I had devised a plan to work on the house and turn the downstairs frame shop into a tattoo studio. I figured once I opened up I could spend more time working on the house and eventually I could make payments to Jane for the house and one day own it outright from her. We went over the basic details and she agreed that it would be a good idea.
T had been living with his family and once I got the go ahead we decided he should move in.
I spent every extra moment on that house. I  worked at the shop to pay for anything I could. I made sure to fill the oil tanks for winter and fix all the pipes.
It was almost a year after I had started going to the house and I could see the progress taking form.
That was until Jane moved my aunt Kathy back up into the house. I knew she was going to be trouble but Jane assured me it was temporary since she had just gotten out of rehab.
T and I kept going. We had started to become serious and took a trip down to Florida to visit Patti  for a week. About a month after we returned a family friend came to visit Aunt Kathy and Jake came up to visit for my birthday that was just around the corner. I had T take the family friend to the local strip club while I tattooed Jake for the day and gave him a stack of cash to play with.
The Club was a small hole in the wall that had a bunch of pool tables on the first floor and the strip club up on the second floor. A couple hours into tattooing Jake ,T called, he was running low on cash. Jake and I rode down to the club and found T downstairs at the pool tables with a group of girls. One in particular was hanging on his every move. I knew this was their job so I thought very little but took notice. The family friend had been having a great time and they wanted to spend a little more time. Jake and I dropped off the money and left to go back and resume tattooing.
T came home that night like nothing happened and super casual. The next morning I was having a bar-b-que for a celebration of summer and had invited a few to come and join in the fun. I had wanted to have everyone that had helped so far come and enjoy some fun as a way to say thanks for all the work and friendship. An hour before the event, T received a call from the dancer. She didn’t even try to be cordial and wanted him instantly on the phone, giving away her intentions instantly to me. I could tell there was already a red flag in her motives. He told me he had invited a few of the girls and I figured the more the merrier but also I always felt that if things were going to go south that I would let him dig his own grave. That was until the dancer arrived and I could clearly see she had eyes only for T and there was more going on than they were leading on.  The other guests caught on just as quickly as she only addressed me to see what days and times I worked, no doubt planning her strategy. I already could tell he had had sex with her. Every chance that someone could, they approached me with their suspicions. After the festivities, the family friend confirmed that T and her had gone out to the car shortly after I had left the bar the night before.
I laid in wait now for him to hang himself with her presence and figured I’d see if he was going to make it a constant or just a fling .It didn’t take very long. The next day while at work a customer stopped in to say hello and let out the fact that they had just seen my jeep at a house down in the gorge. I already figured he was with her and now I knew for certain . I returned to an empty house and picked up the phone and dialed *69. It was her answering machine. I left her a message. “Hey, when your done fucking my boyfriend, tell him to return my truck” 20 minutes later she returned my call, no doubt stalling and trying to reverse the damage. Little did they know that I had already gained the information on who she was and her story as well as the amount of time he had been there. Pine cone wireless works well in the mountains. The phone call she originally made was from hours earlier. Not only that but after the party I had found her hair in the bed under the sheets and a wet spot. Always give them enough rope. She tried to back peddle. I waited until he came home and confronted him.  He denied everything, telling me I was overreacting. I let it lay for the night. The next day was round 2. Only this time I informed him to come get his shit and she could have him. She was under the impression, it was his house, his money, his jeep. Oh did she get a rude awakening when I informed her that it was all mine and my family’s. She now dove into insults of how I was a fat pig and how he hated being with me. Guess it was perfect then how she would have to take him and could bear that burden for me.
Come to find out that she had a boyfriend, herself, and was cheating on him the whole time as well.
I watched as T became outraged as I threw him out. He was caught red handed and the stripper even admitted to it and now he was trying to stay. I wasn’t going to have any part of it. He screamed and threw things all over my apartment in a rage. He tried screaming in my face and all I could do was laugh at this child throwing a temper tantrum.I kicked him out and cleaned up my apartment that night and settled into the calm silence.
I picked myself back up and kept going. I dove back into working and fixing the house. I had gotten the floors sanded and was refinishing one room at a time. There’s something to be said for doing a demo after a breakup that’s simply therapeutic.
My birthday was a month later, so Jake and I planned  on having another round of the B-B-Q without the drama. Angel and the rest of the family had been furious that T had fucked up. Angel kept me posted on any of the drama and had found the chick’s now ex boyfriend. She invited him to my party to help get answers. It seemed that he had his suspicions as well and I was the one to catch them red handed.  
Erk was in his 30’s and had been in rehab. He was going to meetings almost daily. That was where he and Angel met. He left her and was looking for answers. We traded our timelines and matched everything up. He seemed like a nice guy so we changed numbers and decided to hang out another time. 
Jake and I spent the rest of the night of my party laughing and enjoying a mushroom journey. He had brought them as a gift after I had told him that I never actually ever did mushrooms. It was a much needed release. I had never felt so relaxed and laughed so hard.
By morning we lounged on my couch talking about life. Jake tried to make his move and come in for a kiss but I stopped him before there was a connection. I just couldn’t go that route with Jake.  I love Jake, in an alternate universe we were probably a scorching couple, but in this life he is the closest to a brother I could imagine and I didn’t want to lose that. At the end of it all we still hugged and understood that our lives were going in different directions and he held no animosity. (I’m so glad to this day that we kept our friendship platonic. He’s become the brother I needed in tough times.)

Erk and I started to hang out after Jake went back home. The petty side of me was winning out since I knew the whole town would be talking. They were, I mean what else did they have to do except watch like a bad soap opera. Pine cone wireless.
We went to the club one night, since they had pool tables downstairs and I wasn’t going to hide ever again from others’ foul habits.  The other girls at the club had also heard what had happened and were now hanging with us, knowing she was devious and not trustworthy. After about a month of Erk and I frequenting the club, she even tried to provoke  us and tried to get us kicked out. Once the Bouncers heard what her problem was, they fired her for starting the issue.
Erk and I started to unofficially date.
While he was clean and sober,he was great. We would work together on the house and relax by watching movies at night or playing pool. I was slowly coming along with my shop and had gotten all the permits. I was dealing with Kathy in small bursts. She started to become a problem again and was starting to now tap all my calls. I tried talking to Jane about her but she would divert the talks and always try to ignore the situation.
I was almost done with the shop and was looking at only 2 weeks until opening when Erk started to sabotage from behind the lines since he started using drugs again behind my back while I was working without me fully knowing. I had a professional camera that I had gotten for photography that came up missing. When I confronted him while we were out having dinner at the local bar/ restaurant he lied about it all and said he thought it was someone else we were hanging around. I walked away to go to the bathroom to cool down and exited the bathroom into a bar fight with Erk in the middle of it. I know now he was trying to deflect. The bar kicked us out and I had to drive since he was in the heat of anger and I didn’t trust him to drive. I was 3 miles from the house when he tried to grab the wheel and then my neck. I smacked him away and he punched me. He had hit me on the side of my cheekbone on the edge of my eye socket. While driving I punched him back in the mouth while pulling over and slamming the truck into park. He was now screaming at me and I didn’t care. I took his truck keys and threw them across the road into the brush.  I started walking without looking back as he was screaming profanities over a busted lip. He was screaming the whole time I walked down the road. Not a minute later a car came down the highway and I put my thumb out to hitch a ride. The driver was a god sent. He saw my state of mind when he pulled over and opened his door. I hoped in and the tears came flooding in. He drove me to my door and confided in me that I deserved so much better. He was right. This poor man had saved me from being stranded while at the same time giving me a glimpse of humanity. I must’ve looked like a complete wreck and he gave me patience and words of encouragement.
It was over 2 hours later that Erk showed up at the house and tried to get in, screaming and breaking a window. Thankfully they were double panes so he only broke one set of glass. I ignored him, locked the doors and let him sleep it off on the porch.
The next morning,I assessed the damage. I had a black eye and 1 broken window. When I opened the front door he was sleeping on the porch and awoke to look at me. He had a busted lip and a chipped tooth. When he realized I had a black eye, he profusely apologized stating that he had fallen off the wagon and would put himself into rehab yet again. He went that afternoon. It was only because he came clean that I gave him a chance to keep contact. While he went into 30 days of detox and rehab I dove back into the shop work.
I was 3 days away from opening and was getting ready to caulk the last sink in when Jane called and told me to get out of the house and said she was going to sell the house.
No amount of talking was going to fix it, Kathy in the background had convinced my grandmother that I was majorly on drugs, even though she knew I would never touch it. Now with Erk’s actions Kathy had convinced her I was destroying the house, even though she was the one constantly now doing drugs and allowing her little dogs to piss and shit all over the new floors that I had worked so hard on resanding and refinishing.
When I tried to plead my case, Jane would have no part in it. I pointed out all the money and time I had invested in the house and she ignored every bit. She told me to give her an Itemized bill and then she would make some deductions of her own and then I might see some money. She didn’t care how close I was to opening, or that it was winter and I had no money since I had invested it all in the house and shop. She wanted me out.
I had to pack everything up and put it in storage. I had less than 2 weeks to get out. Patti offered to pay the first month of the storage unit which was only about 100$ and I could pay her back. She came to help me and actually came up to inspect the damage. Though I’m sure secretly she was probably only coming to see if Kathy was right. She saw firsthand the amount of work and the fact that I was clean. She left after a few days and paid for the storage.
After it all, I was left to find a place to stay.
Thankfully Ann and Angel offered me their couch for a few days. Erik checked out of rehab early and asked his grandmother upstate if we could come stay with her while I got back on my feet. She opened her house willingly.
Ester was an amazing older woman. She still baked pies from scratch and made dinner and breakfast daily. I was humbled to be welcomed into her house. I immediately applied at any job I could for the winter since there were no local tattoo shops. I landed a job at the local gas station full time and Erk went back to work doing construction.
Looking back I had so many times that I should have just walked but in reality I wasn’t sure where to go and nothing looked any more promising than the hell I was already in. My main options were to go back to the hellscape of Florida to family that didn’t actually care, old friends that weren’t really friends anymore or stay in PA and try like hell to get back on my feet with what little support of friends that I did have.
I spent that winter working at the gas station and getting frustrated with Erk. He became very jealous and possessive over my every movement. I was isolated to only be around him and his family. His mother was very dry with me and never very welcoming no matter how much I tried to help her. His grandmother however was the highlight of my winter. She and I would cook together and I would help her in the household chores. I loved spending time with her in the kitchen learning old recipes and watching the deer outside the kitchen window come to feed on the scraps we left out for them.
As the winter started to melt, so did my desire for staying in Pennsylvania. Erk was starting to drive me a little insane, and I was looking for an escape. Patti offered up the spare room after I had gotten an offer to come back to Florida and run a very prestigious new tattoo studio and I figured it would be the perfect out. Only Erk decided to go with me. I thought that maybe if he was in a new environment he would relax more and  we might do better because there really wasn’t much to do at his family’s place.

We packed my jeep and went South.
We moved into Patti’s with an agreement that it was only temporary and would be a very short lived stepping stone until we could find somewhere else. The deal with the Tattoo studio fell through because the owners had split and now were selling the shop so I was back to square one.Erk became relaxed and more personable in Florida. We Started to thrive again in the relationship and we went to meetings together to help him on his sober journey. I got a job at the local Whole Foods as a front end cashier part time while also working at a tattoo shop as an on-call piercer and started doing Make-up again at the salon by appointment.  Erk got a job at a local construction company and we immediately started to save money.

But there was a weird energy to Erk on occasion. He and Patti almost danced around and away from each other. He knew how she had been to me in the past and understood that I was grateful to have her offer the space but also knew I always expected the receding of that invitation to come the minute she flipswitched on me. It was always a matter of time with Patti. No matter how much I wished for the mom that would be a good roommate and friend and actually give me the room to grow, I knew it was never a long time from the nice Patti to the Horrific Patti. So when she claimed that a piece of jewelry and a few of her checks were stolen I figured this was her starting her flip and using Erk as the reason this time.
We moved in with his sponsor and his sponsor’s girlfriend within days. I tried to still be open though to the possibility that Erk might have done it since knowing about his drug past. I wasn’t deluding myself but I knew I couldn’t trust either of them completely since they both always had their own interests at heart.  Patti canceled the checks and started to harp that she didn’t trust Erk. Meanwhile I didn’t trust either of them completely. I figured moving in with the sponsor would be a good step in the right direction to move away from both Erk and Patti, I would just have to buy my time and save.
I started planning my exit strategy with Erk. I knew we weren’t working and I didn’t want to abandon him in the new state without knowing he would be good. I just couldn’t live with that on my conscience. I kept working most of the time and in my free time Erk and I just kept doing life. I sold my Jeep after realizing that it was eroding away from the years in the salt and snow. I absolutely hated to see my jeep go but it was time to move on and no matter how hard I wanted to work on it, I knew it was time to move on. Erk had convinced me to get a newer car so I bought a Volkswagen Golf GTI at a little buy here pay here place. It was my little yellow go cart.

I had gained weight while in PA and now that I was back in Florida I hated the extra pounds so I tried to stay as active as possible. I had really realized that once I bought the new car because it gave me more room in the mid section.
My period had not been present in almost 2 years at this point and my doctor and I attributed it to my past cancer and hormonal issues.  My doctor was there in Boca and I had seen him the last time I had visited with T the year before. We had talked about my past medical having long term effects in the future and one of those was weight issues as well as thyroid issues in the future. The doctor had warned me that when I got closer to 30 I would more than likely start having issues with energy and weight. He told me ,when I did, we would need to do the Hysterectomy that we avoided when I was 20 when I had cervical cancer. The hysterectomy was to get my body on track.  I was figuring my weight journey was starting to go down that path since I was now 28.
We were working and living with the roommates for almost 3 months when Erk lost his job. I didn’t suspect anything out of the ordinary because jobs came and went in construction with many people I knew. When Erk and his sponsor came up with a plan to take my car and drop me at work that way they could go do interviews and job hunt for the day I didn’t think twice.

9 hours later I ended my shift at Whole Foods and called Erk’s cellphone to have him pick me up. The voice that answered the cell however, wasn’t Erk. Instead I got some ghetto fabulous drug dealer that answered his phone like he owned it. It took me 2 seconds to put it all together. So I played it off like I was a fellow partier looking for Erk.  “Yo, where you at?” I replied. He told me the basic streets and a gas station… I knew exactly where he had gone to score. I dug deeper, “ Where Erk at?” I asked. “Oh he’s walking”, he replied. “What do you mean he’s walking, where’s the car?”I inquired. I was not prepared for the answer . “ Oh I got it now, It’s mine since he owes me”. I could hear the pride in his voice.

 Like hell was this dealer going to take my car.  I asked him how much Erk owed him and that’s when he caught on and hung up on me.  To say I was pissed is an understatement. My head was reeling. I had to get a ride home, so I called a friend and had them take me home. The townhouse we shared with his sponsor and his girlfriend was quiet. No one was home but me. I quickly went to the computer to check my bank account. 

Negative $1,700.00.

 Erk and his sponsor had gone on a binder together and cleaned out my entire bank account and overdrew it. I immediately called the number to shut down the account. I tried calling the police to report the car stolen but because I knew who left with my car it technically wasn’t stolen so I couldn’t file a report. I called the girlfriend to talk to her since I knew she was out of town but might know where they could have gone. She had the nerve to laugh when I told her what had happened, and shrugged it off saying she had a feeling that it would happen.  At the end of the day all she cared about was that rent was due in 3 days and she didn’t care what they did as long as I had the money. 

It was like a bad joke. I hung up the phone completely shell shocked. 

The next morning I called Patti and told her of the situation and asked if I could touch down at her place to get away from the whole ordeal. She obliged willingly, while gloating that she knew Erk was trouble.  So I had to tuck my tail and go back into the situation I was trying to avoid to begin with.

I had my friend drive me to the last known location of the dealer after I got the clearance from Patti. It was the easiest game of “find a car” ever.  My canary yellow GTI stood out in the hood like a lighthouse beacon.  I rolled up to find an old man sitting under a tree just feet away from the car, obviously guarding it.  I took one look at him and called the tow truck while telling my friend to call the cops and tell them I found my car. The old man got up and left before any of them arrived. 

I had my car towed to Patti’s then went to clear out my things from the townhouse. I was moved out and gone before the day’s end and there was still no sign of Erk or his sponsor.  I sank into the bed that night relieved and exhausted, but thankful to be done with Erk once and for all. 

2 days later Erk called me. He cried a sob story about how he left my car at a starbucks with the keys in the gas cap and had walked himself barefoot to rehab. It was all lies and I called him out on every ounce of it. He begged me to bring him cigarettes and I told him to get them from the dealer that had all my money. He tried to beg forgiveness but I knew there was no way I would let him back in my life. This was the final straw and way overdue.

Patti was gloating about my misfortune. She basked in the “I Told you so” and I had to give it to her. Nothing like eating crow while someone gains joy from your misfortune. All I knew was I was gonna end up paying her back one way or another and paying the price mentally.

 A week later I was still exhausted daily and finally broke down to call the doctor.  He scheduled me a week out and for the next week I spent whatever time I wasn’t working, sleeping. I knew I needed to get another side job if I was ever to catch up financially and get out of Patti’s anytime soon. I even called out to old bars and friends about working parties as a server or bartender.  I would work my butt off and dive into work as long as it could get me away from all of it. I had gotten my car rekeyed and squirt away so that I at least had one dependable thing in my corner that could keep me going. The bank wiped all the fraud but most of my money was gone. Thankfully I had a check come in a week after the whole ordeal. So I paid Patti some money and tried to recoup my losses.

I went in to the doctor expecting to do blood work and he told me I would get a call later that day to schedule my hysterectomy if everything was looking in that direction. He drew my blood and urine and I left his office ready to move on.

 I had errands to do and the first stop was the tire shop. As I sat waiting on my tires, D called and we caught up on the recent events with my doctors. D had been there years before when I was told I would more than likely never have children. He had watched as I mourned the Idea of never having my own kids and commented then that he could never imagine me with kids.. When he had the girls it was kind of my way of writing off that he was gone from my life for a reason. She was able to give him the one thing that I couldn’t. He had even offered to share the girls’ growing up experience at one point and I had always felt like an aunt from the sidelines because when they needed anything for the girls or bills I got a call from the family or friends. He had made comments multiple times that those girls should have been ours. Every time he made the references a little piece of me always died and longed for what could have been. But no matter what I was happy to see him be able to have that experience, even if it wasn’t with me. I loved watching his girls grow up, even from the sidelines. I was happy to have his friendship, even if his wife didn’t like it or know about it sometimes to keep the peace. So it was only more bittersweet that when I would have to come to the full circle of dealing with the surgery he would be the one on the phone. 

Only fate had a different plan. 

The doctor called while we were talking so I hung up with him to hear the outcome of my fate.  

I could hear the happiness in my doctor’s tone while he proclaimed “Congratulations, your Pregnant!”

I almost laughed out loud as I said, “Very funny doc, so seriously, what’s the diagnosis?” He didn’t even skip a beat saying “ And you’re like Way pregnant, how did you not know?” Figuring he was still trying to make light, I joked, “ Come on Doc, it’s not April fools, so seriously.. there is no way… what’s wrong?”

His tone got serious, “ Well obviously there was because you’re pregnant and way pregnant honey”. My mind went in circles, I couldn’t grasp it mentally. “If you tell me I’m having quadruplets, I’m killing you” was all I could reply. He started to laugh. My mind went into a stunned silence internally. Doc didn’t skip a beat and started in with the questions. How did I not know? How did I not get the normal signs? I was still trying to piece it all together. I didn’t believe it. I hadn’t had a period in 2 years, I was told I would never be able to hold a baby past the first trimester. I had already set it in my head that I just wasn’t ever going to have children of my own. I rebutted every avenue to him adding in that he was the one that told me years ago that it was near impossible and that it would never happen. He giggled and said “Well, I guess this one stuck so I want you in tomorrow for prenatals and we will go over everything.” I agreed and hung up the phone in a stunned state of mind. 

 I guess my face said it all because the counter guy at the tire place asked if everything was alright, and I just sort of looked up at him in astonishment and told him my news. He congratulated me with a big smile and I was thanking him in shock, when my phone rang again. It was D, awaiting the news. I was still in shock so when he asked if everything was ok, I was still in a “duh” mind circle.  I nervously told him and I could hear his mind do the same thing mine did just moments before. He reeled into the same rant of questions I had to the doctor. “I thought you couldn’t have kids, what do you mean your 4 months, OMG, Holy Shit, congratulations, are you excited? Wait, is Erk the dad?” It all came crashing into my chest at once. I talked to D trying to work through my own processing. In the end of it all he was happy for me, but I could hear the slight sadness for me. 

I thought about it the whole  ride home. If I had found out sooner, I would most definitely not have kept Erk around , and more than likely gotten rid of this baby because of his toxic drug use and his connection to it in the early months. But here it was, and there was no way I could do anything now. I was having a baby and I was going to be a single mom all the way. 

I dreaded telling Patti. Yes I was raised by her most of my life as a single mother so I knew I could do it, but I also knew she would make me miserable about it. She always loved to harp on the worst and most negative aspects that weren’t up to her standards , and this baby would just be another point for her to harp on me. She would revel in my despair and then use it to her agenda that she would now use with the people around her as her moment to be the martyr. 

I made a pact that day that I would work hard and pay off the birth and try to move out before the baby came so that I could have my own space for us both. I wouldn’t have my child be raised that close to her. I barely made it out of that house mentally stable as a child and I sure wasn’t going to let her do that to my child too. 

It was the next day, after seeing the doc, when I finally told her. She was almost as shocked as I was. I could also see the wheels turning instantly. She immediately worried that I would tell Erk.   I had already decided and informed her that I wouldn’t tell him unless he was clean and sober for 2 years straight. I didn’t need him showing up at all hours high or fucked up trying to play daddy and then being nasty and causing me more stress. This little life deserved more. The baby deserved a life without the fear or abuse from a fucked up parent or grandparent.  I wanted to shield the baby from any of the shit I had already endured. I knew, no matter what, I was going to do whatever it took to give this baby the world. It was going to be different for this little soul and I wouldn’t settle for less. I would cut ties with anyone who wasn’t going to be real and true in their love for this child. They didn’t deserve the Chaos of my life strings I had become entangled in.